A travel agency for Australia, New Zealand and the Pacific Islands

Tourism Australia Premier Aussie Specialist
Accredited Tassie, Northern Territory, NT Outback, NSW, Victoria & Queensland Specialists
Matai Fiji Specialist

Australians - Aussies (pronounced ozzie, not ossie) - have a keen sense of humor, much of it self-deprecating, and often dry to the point of astringent. Don't be surprised if jokes or humor pass straight over your head, and you don't even realize it happened. Dead-panning is common, and often enough nothing will ever be said to enlighten you. Don't worry, they're not "having a go at you," it's just aussie humor, and anyone can be the brunt.

To start your introduction to aussie humor, the following also gives you an insight into the Australian outlook and character, as does humor everywhere. If a few of the words cofuse you, check our dictionary of Australian language.

The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

On the beach all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

Industrial design knows of no two articles more useful than the plastic milk crate or the concrete block.

The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear.
So a group of young women on the beach wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.

The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.

If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.

The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.

It's considered better to be down on your luck than on yourself.

The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.

If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry; he'll have catered for it).

If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.

The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.

Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.

The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.

On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.

The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.